On Mothers’ Day, a text message of how events transformed me into another mother reached all my mother-friends and relatives. They received these words:
“I fully realized today that long before the child is born, s/he had been destined to a mother even if she can’t bear the child. I’m glad to share with you my joy after finding my fourth child, now ten months old, whose soul consistently knocked at my door and took me months to recognize.”
Some texted back with the question, “You had adoption?” Many sent back messages fit for the Mothers’ Day occasion. A number quietly wondered what came into my mind and made that conclusion.
Gian shall stay with his father and immediate relatives. Though my desire is to be with him together with my three biological children, respecting the decision of his guardians is the most wonderful.
A few days after that brave revelation, I left for Cavite as earlier planned. Never telling anybody of the departure, I felt Gian sensed another pain of being abandoned. When I dropped by their house before leaving, he was terribly crying. His grandmother took him from his father and let me hold him; but Gian’s cry became louder and stronger. Softly running my right hand on his crown, I silently gave him my blessing and promised that I will come back.
Upon my arrival at home, the folks immediately confronted me on the Mothers’ Day text message. They demanded me to explain at once but I got the cue after dinner. It was a disappointing conversation. No one approved of my story. Everyone was so negative – what if he grew to be a criminal; what if he was a headache; what if your children didn’t understand; how could you take care of another child when you couldn’t care enough for three hyperactive children? People are indeed full of worries of things that are not yet there.
However, in the heat of my defenses, there was a sudden feeling of great relief. They heard me talking differently, expressing deep gratitude to a person who had caused tremendous pain in me. The folks, in deep surprise, heard me clearly expressing appreciation to a person the kids call “Tita Salve.”
It just happened. No idea. No realization yet. In fact, last Sunday, when I was told that Dian fetched the children, I replied with a message with a mild sarcasm, “So they are celebrating Mothers’ Day without me.” This thought was confirmed when the kids said that they were at their Tita Salve’s birthday.
The folks told me that the kids’ Tita Salve was giving the children this and that; that the kids used to sleep at her place where their father is also staying. These things are not beyond my knowledge though. The children have told me these a number of times. Only that, upon hearing these things this time, I found myself reacting calmly, saying only, “Oh, that’s good. You must be thankful, guys.”
Wow! What a heart! After five years, I finally found myself fully healed. There was synchronicity. There was magic that took place again.
Going back, I remember myself saying that there are no co-incidence; that everything is planned; that the meeting is as important as leaving; that every tear carries a lesson to learn; that we are always in proper place at the proper time; that people appear on our path to help us in our travel; that there are “good” people who will give us a lift and seemingly “bad” people and events that will give us pain yet will also build our muscles to reach the mountaintop.
When I decided to let go of Tala, I have learned how to respect my son’s decision; I have learned how to be detached yet near to give my light. When I was told that he was staying at her Tita Salve’s place, I felt a pang in my heart but did not blame him. When asked why he did not tell me, Tala just simply said he doesn’t want to hurt me.
Now, I realized that though I was not with him in that seemingly forever one year, someone has taken my place to take care of him. She may not be the type of person I would like to take care of my son, but the Universe has sent her to do the task, and I could only be grateful for that.
As a healer, I have sent a lot of healing energy to her through the power of forgiveness.
However, this had not been enough because every time the kids would tell me something about their day with her, I still felt the pain. Though I have achieved a certain level of spiritual maturity by the wisdom of silence, still, deep in my heart, it hurt.
Then Gian healed my heart. He taught me that people are destined to meet on specific purpose. When his mother abandoned him, I was able to fill that emptiness. When I am away with my children, there are always people taking care of my children. Only that, when someone I didn’t like took care of them, I forgot the essence of how the Universe provides me with the support that I ask from it. The Universe is always right, only that, the bitter heart is blind.
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